Charm the Bottle
by Longleggedgit
Summary: RemusSirius slash. Hard R. Marauder era.


Charm the Bottle

Sirius Black was many things, Remus decided, but never subtle. Once again he was being pinned down by Sirius's weight and forced into a rather brutal kiss, and this made him wonder just how he had let himself be dragged into such a stupid, juvenile Muggle game. Honestly. Spin the Bottle. They couldn't even think up a creative name for it, or at least something more accurate, like, say, Rape the Lycanthrope.

Just how long could Sirius go on kissing, anyway?

And _where_ did he think he was putting his hand?

"All right, that's enough," Remus gasped, shoving Sirius away. Sirius rolled back on his haunches in front of Remus, eyes closed and a disgustingly pleased look on his face. He sighed loudly and licked his lips, at which point James gave an exasperated groan.

"Come on, Sirius, quit soiling yourself and get back in place. It's Remus's turn to spin."

Stupid James. Stupid, stupid James, always taking Sirius's side. Stupid James with his stupid girlfriend who had such a stupid smile plastered on her stupid face. And stupid Peter, too, who looked so stupidly horrified and was stupidly . . . fat.

Yeah, that felt good. One of these days, he was going to say it all out loud. One of these days.

"Go, Remus."

Remus opened his eyes into a cold glare. His friends seemed to have been waiting for him to make some sort of movement for a long time. Sirius was already back in his own place across from Remus in the small circle, watching him with that same hungry look, as if he hadn't just stolen Remus's kissing virginity. And then done it again.

Stupid Sirius.

"Remus, _go!"_ James was getting impatient.

Probably just wanted the bottle to land on him so _he_ could rape Remus's mouth, too. And then have it land on his girlfriend. Not that they needed an excuse to kiss. Or grope. Or fuck, loudly, in the boy's dormitory, immediately after school, when other people are trying to do homework.

Stupid James and stupid Lily.

Remus looked over at Peter, who looked as if he were going to puke or scream or both.

Stupid Peter.

"I swear to Merlin, Remus, if you don't just hurry up and spin the fucking bottle, I'll-"

"I'm _not_ playing your stupid Muggle game, Sirius. I've had enough kissing for one night, thank you." Remus stood up and brushed himself off dramatically, glad he managed to fit at least one 'stupid' into his sentence. That'd show 'em.

"Come _on." _Although his voice sounded mildly annoyed, Sirius's face showed a hint of desperation. "We've barely even been playing a quarter of an hour. And you wouldn't spin _last_ time, either!"

"That's because this game is _ridiculous!_" Remus had intended to use 'stupid' instead of 'ridiculous' at first, but he reminded himself that even his dimwitted companions would catch on at some point. Besides, an angry rant sounded just as appealing. "I have no desire to kiss anyone here, ever, and I never have. And even if I _did,_ the bottle's obviously been charmed or something, because it's just been James rolling Lily, Lily rolling James, and Sirius rolling me, and poor Peter" -_stupid_ Peter- "is just sitting here watching the whole thing!"

James and Sirius exchanged nervous looks.

Ha. They were so transparent.

Stupids.

"You don't know what you're talking about, mate," James stuttered, obviously hoping to convince Lily more than Remus, for she was looking somewhat perturbed. "Er. Sirius, maybe this _isn't_ such a good idea. . . ."

Lily gave James a scathing look. "Oh no, I think Remus _definitely_ needs to spin the bottle now."

"The crowd has spoken!" Sirius threw his arms up in the air and smiled winningly. "Spin it, Moony!"

Remus folded his arms across his chest and looked up at the ceiling, heaving a great sigh. "_Why?"_

"Because," Sirius said cheerily, "everything's much more fun when you're involved, mate." James gave a short cough but said nothing. Lily was still watching him.

Stupid Sirius and his stupid flattery. How was it that Remus suddenly felt compelled to stay?

James, Lily and Peter were all watching Remus now, which he found mildly annoying. Not quite as annoying as the very pronounced tremble in Sirius's protruding bottom lip, but annoying just the same.

"_Fine,"_ Remus conceded, dropping down to his knees and leaning forward to grab the bottle which was still facing him. "I'll spin your stupid bottle." Remus really needed to start saying 'stupid' more often. It was very therapeutic. "Then can I go?"

"Yes!" Sirius exclaimed happily. His eyes were wide open and gleaming.

Stupid friends. Remus had never had many before he came to Hogwarts, but he had read about them, and from what he knew they weren't supposed to be so bloody difficult.

Remus gave the bottle in front of him a gentle shove and it set off in a wobbly circle, his heart jumping every time it passed Sirius. Remus wasn't entirely sure what his lustful friend would do if the bottle landed on him, but he suspected that Sirius wouldn't be satisfied with just a kiss this time, however intimate - _violating_, not intimate - a kiss it might be. When the bottle continued to spin long after it should have logically stopped, Remus found he couldn't take the pressure anymore. He closed his eyes tight and clenched his hands into fists, silently praying, praying . . . for what, even he wasn't quite sure. Just not -

"HA!" Sirius's voice cried out in triumph.

- that.

Remus opened his eyes. The mouth of the bottle was gaping at Sirius, who couldn't have looked happier if he'd just been named Head Boy. Remus swallowed and looked to his right at James and Lily. Lily was too busy glaring at James to take any notice of Remus, and James was watching his girlfriend out of the corner of his eye in fear, so Remus turned to his left, hoping to find some semblance of pity in Peter. Instead of pity, however, all Remus found was the usual horror. Peter shrank back as far as he could when Remus glanced at him.

"You, er . . . you spun Sirius, Remus, not me. . . ."

"I know who I spun, Peter!" Remus snapped. Stupid Peter and his stupid fear of _everything_ . . . honestly, if Sirius was jumping into _his_ lap like a dog in heat as he was with Remus, the stupid little rat probably would've gone into cardiac arrest by now. . . .

"That's good," Sirius said, bringing Remus back to reality with a twinge of panic, "because I'm awaiting the last move of our little game." Remus watched the wolfish smile spread across Sirius's lips.

Maybe there had been some sort of terrible misunderstanding with the moon, and _Sirius_ was really the lycanthrope, not Remus. Maybe.

"Sirius, look, I - "

"No dice, mate." Sirius was again crossing the circle, this time in confident strides, that damned grin never leaving his face. "You're not talking your way out of this one."

Sirius dropped to his haunches when he had at last reached Remus and cocked his head in a sickeningly endearing way. "You wanna do it here or in the dorms?"

Remus sputtered, trying to say a million words at once in his outrage. When he overcame his initial shock, he managed, "Pardon? Do - do _what_, exactly?"

Sirius snorted. The stupid, egotistical bastard and his stupid, egotistical mannerisms. . . .

"That remains to be decided. One thing's for sure, though, I'm not letting you off with just a kiss this time, so it might be best if we seek some privacy."

Before Remus could adequately respond to this equally outrageous statement, James butted in.

"We'll make the decision easy on you blokes. I'm beat; I'm off to bed."

"You think _you're_ getting off that easy?" Lily queried, although her voice was teasing. "We're using one of those secret passages of yours, and you're going to tell me _all about_ the little charm you put on that bottle."

James ducked his head in obedience, but he couldn't hide the look of glee on his face. Remus knew full well why the bastard was so excited: when he and Lily made use of the secret passages they had carefully plotted on the Marauder's Map, it was generally for much more vigorous purposes than small talk.

"All right, all right," James said, taking Lily's hand in his own and heading over to the first of many passages concealed behind a painting (the horse in said painting looked, Remus thought, somewhat disgruntled by their approach). All this time, Peter's head had been darting from James to Lily, and as he saw their retreating forms, he quickly leapt up from his position in the already collapsed circle.

"I'll, uh, just be, um, leaving, too, then. . . ." he stuttered. "G-good night!" And with that, Peter turned and ran up the stairs to the boy's dormitories.

Just like the stupid, miserable coward he was.

"Now that we are without distractions," Sirius said softly, still focused on Remus's face. Remus got the feeling Sirius had been watching him this entire time.

"I don't know what you're expecting, Sirius, but if you think I'm going to let you - "

"Before you finish your sentence," Sirius interrupted, glancing over at the horse portrait to make sure James and Lily were long gone (they were), "I'll have you know two things."

Remus crossed his arms on his chest, doing his best to take on a very unpleasant demeanor. "Really? And what would those two things be?" Maybe, if he just made himself look angry enough, Sirius would just forget all about the whole thing. Maybe.

And maybe he would also remove the hand which had just begun to caress Remus's thigh.

Sirius removed his hand only when Remus slapped it and resorted to simply undressing the other boy with his eyes. "First: you were right, clever wolf. The bottle _was_ charmed."

Remus rolled his eyes. "As if I needed your clarification on that matter. Next."

Looking not the least bit discouraged, Sirius continued on. "Second: I know you want me back. So you can stop pretending."

Remus felt the flush spread across his cheeks - from anger, _definitely_ not embarrassment - and he sat up straighter, brows knit together sternly. "You don't know shit, Sirius Black. I've been telling you since third year, I'm _not_ interested."

For some reason, Remus's words seemed to have pleased Sirius rather than deter him. Sirius paused before retorting, obviously savoring whatever omniscient knowing he thought he possessed, and sighed deeply. Remus narrowed his eyes.

"And until just now, Remus, I believed you. You _are_ a brilliant actor, I must commend you - "

"What, pray tell, is so different about just now?" Remus felt his ears redden to match his cheeks.

Sirius leaned in even closer, so that his lips were mere centimeters away from Remus's. The close range made the hot breath from Sirius's mouth tickle, and Remus gave an involuntary shiver, silently cursing himself for it.

"What is different," Sirius hissed, crawling forward so that he was forcing Remus to the floor beneath him as he spoke, "is that we did charm that fucking bottle. We charmed it to land on whomever the spinner is secretly in love with. And you spun me."

Remus stopped trying to push Sirius off of him and looked up in shock. "You - you didn't - "

"Trust me, O Lovely One, we most certainly did." Sirius leaned his head down and licked at Remus's neck, nuzzling with his nose at the same time.

Shit.

Remus was feeling rather stupid.

"But I - I don't . . . I never - " Remus was becoming rapidly aware of the blood rushing through his body, not just to his ever-reddening cheeks and ears, but to his groin. It didn't help matters that Sirius's knee was grinding against it.

"Look," Sirius said with tried patience, "I can safely assure you that my advances toward you are not, and have never been, unwanted."

There was that stupid ego again.

"If there's one thing I know," Sirius continued, "it's attraction." Sirius's hands slipped under the hem of Remus's shirt and massaged their way up, slowly. "So will you finally give me the fucking time of day?"

Instantly Remus felt a pang of guilt; it was true that he had never been terribly understanding of Sirius's attempts to win him. He had just gotten so used to Sirius's endless lusting after other students the first three years at school, and had assumed that the sudden lusting after him had been the same thing. Never mind that it had been much less temporary than, much more devoted to, any of the other cases. . . .

Remus felt his careful resolve breaking down. He had been telling himself that being with Sirius would only end in heartbreak for almost four years. But now, all of a sudden, he felt different.

And it wasn't just because Sirius's right hand had traveled down to Remus's crotch.

No, that couldn't possibly be what he was feeling.

"Sirius," Remus gasped, squirming slightly against his hand.

"Mmm?" Sirius murmured, his mouth buried in Remus's chin-length brown hair. He seemed entirely preoccupied.

"I don't - know. . . ." Remus cursed himself for sounding so - well, _stupid -_ but it was becoming more and more difficult to articulate his thoughts. His mind felt blurry, and his tongue was heavy against the roof of his mouth.

"Then let me make the decisions," Sirius offered, his voice muffled by hair. He had found Remus's ear now, and was nibbling on it gently, which, in any other situation, Remus would have thought ridiculous and laughable.

Now, all of a sudden, it just felt good.

When Sirius's hand, previously content to simply stroke through the denim, slowly unzipped Remus's fly and worked its way inside, Remus gave up on fighting. And since Sirius's mouth was now smothering his in a lip-crushing kiss, that was probably for the better.

Remus's fingers curled in the thick maroon rug he was pinned against as he moaned into Sirius's mouth. Somewhere in the last few seconds he had lost his shirt, which really didn't make any sense, because hadn't their mouths been pressed together all this time? He would have to ask Sirius about it later. Maybe he had come up with some clever clothing-removal spell. A spell which required neither wand nor incantation (because their mouths definitely hadn't parted, there was just no way). A spell that he had apparently just used again, because now Remus's pants were missing, too.

He really needed to learn this spell.

"Sirius," Remus whispered, not really knowing why. Sirius stopped everything, stopped his roaming hands and tongue, and opened his eyes to meet Remus's. Remus was shocked at the concern he saw in them.

"I've never done this before, either," Sirius said, moving his left hand to stroke Remus's cheek.

"You haven't?" Remus thought back to fourth year. "But I thought - that Ravenclaw boy - "

"That was just to make you jealous," Sirius admitted with a guilty smile.

"Wanker." Remus couldn't help but smile back. "It worked, you know."

"I know." Sirius's hands began to travel again. "Look, if you don't like something, just tell me to stop. Okay?"

"Okay," Remus said in a husky voice, but he was finding it difficult to imagine anything that didn't feel good right now, especially with Sirius easing away his boxer shorts and planting tiny kisses on his stomach.

And then suddenly Sirius's mouth was gone, which was the most infuriating sensation of Remus's life, and he wanted nothing more to sit up and slap that smug face for being a tease. But when he opened his eyes he saw that Sirius was working on removing his own shirt and pants, and just because that was such a pleasant sight, Remus decided he would forgive him.

Had he been of his normal, ever-observant mindset, Remus would have noticed the horse in the portrait just beyond them, which snorted its disapproval and trotted out of the picture frame. However, Remus was most certainly not of his normal mindset. The only thing on his mind at the moment was Sex, and not just Sex, but Sex with Sirius, and this could have distracted him enough to not notice the entire Bulgarian Quidditch Team flying laps around the room, much less a disgruntled horse.

Especially now that Sirius's boxers were somewhere halfway across the room. And the proud erection those boxer shorts had been hiding moments before was now rubbing against Remus's, hard, with no sign of ever letting up.

Remus groaned loudly and wrapped his arms around Sirius's back, trying, if possible, to bring their bodies closer together. One of Sirius's hands was gripping Remus's ass, the other tangled in his hair. They rocked like this for what seemed like no time and an eternity both at once, until Sirius pulled away ever so slightly, just so that their abdomens were no longer touching.

"I want you to fuck me," he said breathlessly, watching Remus's face. Remus was stunned by the statement. He had considered, even without having acknowledged an infatuation with Sirius, what sex with him would be like, but it had never, in all his imaginings, been like with him, well, on top.

"Okay," Remus answered, embarrassed, and he pushed himself into a sitting position hesitantly. It wasn't the position Remus had had in mind, either, but Sirius was suddenly in his lap, and Remus's cock was reacting appropriately. He wanted to be inside Sirius, and he wanted it soon.

"But won't it . . . you know . . . hurt?" Remus gasped, having to fight to be considerate and not just start ravishing Sirius without a care in the world.

"Don't worry about me," Sirius said, his eyes closed but his lips pressed into a smirk. "There's pretty much nothing I haven't already tried alone."

Remus refused to let a mental image of this statement fill his head, because he knew the moment it did he would lose all control and probably come right then and there. There were other things to concentrate on, at any rate: Sirius had taken Remus's right hand into his mouth and wet the fingers with his tongue, and he was now leading the hand down to his ass, which was hovering just above Remus's cock.

Remus's heart beat faster when first one, then two and finally three, fingers slid into Sirius's ass, and Sirius threw his head back in appreciation, breathing in sharply.

"God," Sirius choked, sweat sliding down his temple. "Yes. Don't stop."

This was all the encouragement Remus needed. He at last let go of whatever semblance of self control he still had and pushed his cock forward, easing it inside Sirius to replace his fingers. A voice in the back of his head was telling him to move more slowly, to be gentler, but this so contradicted both what his body and Sirius were telling him to do, so he told the voice to kindly bugger off and made the first thrust.

It was perfect.

It was so perfect, in fact that it only made sense to do it again.

Remus had never felt anything so good in his entire life. He was inside Sirius, and being inside Sirius was being hot and tight and hard and loved all at once. And every time he moved his hips it sent little fireworks off throughout his entire body, and it must have had the same effect on Sirius, too, because he was moaning appreciatively and pushing his hips down in return.

"Bloody hell," Remus hissed, and with one final, violent thrust he came, unable to hold off the impending orgasm any longer. Had he really just thought he was having the best feeling of his life? Because he had been very wrong, _this_ was most definitely the best feeling of his life, and he continued to gyrate his hips to elongate it, biting into Sirius's shoulder and praying it would never end.

Sirius came a moment later, covering Remus's stomach in warmth and wetness, but Remus didn't mind. It felt pretty good, truth be told. Everything felt good, and right, and he decided he could get used to this buzzing sensation that had taken over in his groin, not as nice as the orgasm of course, but still nice. Sirius rocked forward a few more times and then let his body push them both to the floor, and he pulled away slowly, which made Remus much colder.

"Mmph. Come back," Remus ordered with a pout. Sirius chuckled and pulled Remus's body close against his, waiting until they had both caught their breath before at last daring to speak.

"Told you it wasn't unrequited," he said smugly.

Remus gave Sirius a little jab with his elbow but snuggled more deeply against his warm skin. "Shut up. I'm entitled to be wrong once and a while. Merlin knows you've abused the privilege."

Sirius only laughed and breathed into Remus's hair. They stayed curled up on the rug for a long time, Remus drifting in and out of consciousness, never sure if he was awake or asleep, just sure that he was damn content, and that this was something he could see himself doing a lot more often. Sirius's voice finally broke the silence and removed Remus from his almost-slumber.

"So. Happy?"

"Mmm," Remus responded.

"Willing to give this another go sometime?"

"Mmm," Remus said, with a good deal more conviction this time.

"Good. Then I have a secret to tell you."

Remus raised his head to look at Sirius. Sirius kissed him, briefly and gently, and grinned when their lips parted.

"Go on, then," Remus urged.

"Tell me you love me, first," Sirius insisted.

"I love you," Remus said, feigning exasperation. "Now, what is it?"

Sirius closed his eyes, smiled a feral smile and stretched his arms up above his head, arching his back like a cat.

"We didn't charm the bottle," Sirius said matter-of-factly.

Remus opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again. "You. What?"

"Didn't charm the bottle," Sirius repeated. He opened his eyes and looked back at Remus, smile widening. "It was all an elaborate plan. Thought up by yours truly, of course."

"But - but - " Remus propped himself up on his elbows and gaped in indignation. "You said - and Peter, he never - "

"All coincidence, my friend," Sirius said. He looked immensely pleased with himself. "And might I say, the fates are most certainly favoring me this fine eve."

What a stupid, lying prat.

"Bastard!" Remus exclaimed. His eyes were narrowed dangerously, but somehow he wasn't feeling nearly as upset as he knew he should be. "I can't believe I fell for such a stupid, transparent - "

"Ah, well, what's done is done." Sirius sat up, still watching Remus happily, and reached for his pants, from which he removed his wand and performed a quick cleaning spell on both Remus and himself. "Glad I helped you to see the light." Sirius pulled on his pants and threw Remus his own, who caught them and pulled them on uncertainly.

"You really are an absolutely appalling excuse for a human being, you know," Remus said, but there was no bite to his words. He stood up, hands on his hips, and glared down at Sirius.

Sirius lifted his head and blew him a kiss. "I love you too, Moony."

Sirius then jumped up, slapped Remus smartly on the ass, and kissed him quickly on the forehead. "Let's head up to the dormitories. We can put a silencing charm around my bed, Peter won't hear a thing."

Remus sighed, wrapped his arm around Sirius's waist, and let himself be led up the stairs into the boy's dorms. There was something he knew he should be remembering, but he was half-hard already at the prospect of more Sex with Sirius, and he had done quite enough thinking for one night.

When James and Lily emerged from behind the now-empty horse portrait, hair tousled and clothes in disarray, they immediately noticed the forgotten t-shirts and boxer shorts crumpled on the floor.

"Looks like that went well," James laughed, picking up the nearest shirt and both pairs of shorts as Lily grabbed the other shirt.

"They left these where anyone could see them," she said in a scolding tone, although she was laughing as well. "I'd expect it from Sirius, but Remus?" Lily shook her head. "He's not usually that stupid."

_end_


End file.
